Holiday Wishes

Give me a sign so I can start the healing,
We shared the wine around the yearly meeting.

As I don’t want to be lonely this holiday,
I’m taking off my shoes and giving my body to the homeless.

I’d give you my remaining years to be alone with you, for a minute of your time,
To give you one last kiss goodbye and a warm embrace under the leaf dappled light.

Hibernation

A small journey begins tomorrow and when I return from it I will also have to return to the world.  This is something that I am having difficultly facing as I re-evaluate where my place is.

I carry you in my heart,
I carry you in my memories.

‘Don’t stop, don’t break,
You can delight because you have a place,
Quiet room, I need you now.’

– Majesty Snowbird by Sufjan Stevens

Never Alone

And you are turning to stone and I’m left all alone, I let out a soft moan.

Let this not be real and please just let it be a dream, I can hear myself scream.

This is not about me though, this is about everyone you ever loved and everyone who ever loved you.  I still cannot take it in, my heart is broken in two at the loss of my wonderful friend.  I’ve turned to old friends and to music to draw me closer to our shared memories of the years we knew each other.  I wanted to share the fact that I’d discovered a musician who I never knew but you said I should.  Now it’s the soundtrack to my grief, the one real release, where my eyes fill with tears and I’m stuck dumb once again; that I’ll never share a laugh over a drink again with your growing smile as my companion, that I’ll never get to the chance to watch your career blossom fully as it had already started to, that I’ll never get to hug you goodbye again.

I’m not convinced, but I hope it’s not the end.  Memories are never goodbye.

Rain

I don’t remember the exact day, I never will, but I remember the sensation of my legs pounding the tarmac, of my lungs drawing in the air deeply, during the race to the silent wall. The rain fell in a fine mist, coating only the hair and the clothes of my two friends and I.  The journey did not last two minutes, of me and my friends running towards no known goal.  It was beautiful, magical even, a memory that will resonate with me until my dying breath, reminding me of a path not trod for many years.